This weekend, my sister and I went to Kripalu, a yoga retreat center in the Berkshires. We were enrolled in a program called ‘Cultivating Tenderness’ where we would learn to deepen our compassion and learn to transform judgment through yogic practice.
Kripalu is known for restorative yoga but we go because of the food: unbelievable, organic, vegetarian fare that is weird (lentil loaf), wild (vegan gravy) and scrumptious (raw chocolate mousse pie). Psyched for dinner, we pile our plates with spring green gumbo, millet cauliflower mash and arame, kale salad. At the beverage bar, they have two choices: ceramic mugs or paper cups. In tandem, I reach for a mug and my sis grabs a paper cup. I shoot her the Myriah-death-scowl. She rolls her eyes.
We sit down and my sister says smugly, “Don’t judge me.” I pause, mull over my kale and sit in my muck. As Buddha suggests, just like water, if we let our minds sit undisturbed the mud and muck will eventually settle to the bottom. My muck is a great environmental dilemma: How do we go about making choices for ourselves while also being non-judgmental of the people around us who make different choices?
Environmentalists get judged all the time: dirty hippies, crunchy communists, tree-huggers, liberal wackos, pot-smoking protesters. Non-environmentalists get judged too: tie-wearing consumers, truck-driving republicans, climate-change cynics. You get the idea.
I’ve noticed that my sister liked me better when I was indifferent about the environment. She thinks my bike-riding and green grocery bags are bizarre if not cliché and she taunts her paper-product over consumption to spite me. I swear, she took that paper cup knowing it would get under my skin.
So, do we state our opinions or do we stay non-judgmental? It’s a fine line. If I judge my sister for buying paper plates instead of doing dishes should I nod and laugh as we discuss her take-out dinner routine? Or should I frown in disapproval and lecture her about being lazy and wasteful? Reserving judgment can be very challenging.
Some people state their opinions in a way that demands agreement, by being critical and vocally disapproving. However, being non-judgmental does not mean staying silent about what we believe, it simply means acknowledging that others can believe differently. Viewing differences not as a problem but as something to celebrate might be the best way to lead without judgment. Certainly in the case of my sister and me, it’s what strengthens our sisterhood and ultimately makes us better yoga-goddesses.
Photo: My sister, Shannah, with a paper cup @ work.
I'm glad you wrote about this, Myriah. Such a tough subject! I think we need a combination of staying silent/not judging, speaking up, and walking the walking. Knowing when to take which tactic requires judgment and willingness to take a risk. I have been on both sides of this--saying something that comes across as superior and judging, and at other times letting things slide when I could have taken the opportunity to challenge someone to think about their actions. Other times, I've been surprised what people pick up on by just observing my actions.
ReplyDeleteIt's usually the people closest to us who get the full barrage of our opinions and reasons to change so they're probably the ones who will be most resistant initially. They have their preferences too after all. But I think for a good portion of people, a lot of their choices are not necessarily based on values, but rather convenience or habit, and if they thought about the consequences of eating certain foods or using wasteful products, they would likely be willing to make small adjustments.
It sounds like your sister loves good food so I wonder if there's a way for you to non-judgingly educate her about the connections between food and other impacts on the environment? The whole systems within systems idea. Or maybe as you continue to model sustainable behavior she will see the signs.
One last thing--why did Kripalu even have those darn paper cups? Why not just make ceramic mugs the only option?
And your sister looks just like you! :-)
I almost fell out of my chair laughing when I read: truck-driving republicans!!!! That is me straight up. How did I end up here? I am a walking paradox...
ReplyDeleteI agree with Brynn, the people closest to us have to hear our environmental rants all the time, or at least mine do....
I have had the best salad of my life at Kripalu. I can still taste it. I think its a wonderful place, in high school we had to volunteer there for a day, and we did yoga, and individual "chores" I remember I had to dust all the plants. They were very particular about wiping down the leaves of all plants daily so they could breathe uninterrupted. It was a great experience, we should make a class trip there!
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